Memories surround me and my ex-love

Tonight I went over to my ex-boyfriends apartment. Least thats what I call him and everyone else. I caught my self sitting like him or something. I still don't understand why me and him never got offically got together. I kinda figured if we had never went over to 3101 that me and him would still be together. Who knows. Thats what I keep telling myself. Tonight brought so many feelings that it was crazy. I wanted to kiss him. Hug him. Cuddle him. Sleep with him. But I can't. I'm sure I'll never have that chance with him ever again. Ashli asked me once. If Neil and Jonesy broke up and called me and said hey come over and lets have sex...would I? Without thinking or looking at the idea situation she brought up, I told her yes. I think honestly I would. Neil was my second love. Whether he knew it or not he was. I devoted 2 of my years to him. I did everything I could for him. He was my darkness. He was my light. I selfishly to it for granted. I figured me and him would one day be together. When me and him first started sleeping together I wanted to get pregnant. I like a lot of other stupid girls thought I could keep him that way. He told me that night we had sex for the first time that if he had ever gotten me pregnant we were getting married and he would help take care of the baby. I told him there was no way I would let him quit school. For him school was first. Renee told me the other day that she could see me and Neil getting married. Now that we have had our time appart. I don't see it, but yet I do. I wish I had never been selfish. But atleast I can look back and say he was mine for 2 years. 2 years that no one can rob me of ever. 2 years that were up and down. 2 years that were life changing.